...system's failing... I wish my writing displaed as much emotion as it used it. just leaving the words "fuck you" wouldn't accurately display the desperation i'm feeling right now...and i can't even being to try to write it all out, because i know i'll fail at that too. and i thought i was over this. and you. but sending that just made me realize that there's still something there. i don't know what but there is. part of me is wondering if i'm just trying to hold onto what's comfortable for me...but then i realize that he's more than just something comfortable...he knows me better than most do, and he understands me and he's stayed by my side through all of it. like damien, he's never really made me feel less than adequate. all those times where i felt like shit OVER him was because of me. because of how i am, and because who i am. and through all my paranoia he still stayed. that has to ammount for something right? but when you're this far away, how can you even know if anything will come from it? and after having your heart trampled, it's hard to believe that anything will happen. i can't even write a full entry without just ending it, in fear of revealing too much about myself. |