wow aren't i pathetic every day it gets harder for me to realize and remember that he's not the constant in my life anymore. sure, i miss him; i miss what we had, but it had to end. and every day it gets harder for me to remember why it had to end, or even how it ended. what he and i had this summer was perfect. but i had been feeling like this long before i really "took action" towards it. maybe it's just the fact that as it gets colder and closer to christmas, i just don't want to be alone anymore. it kills me when my friends come to me with their boyfriend/girlfriend problems because even if things aren't perfect for them right now, they should still be grateful to have someone like that in their life. and i don't really even understand why i want someone so badly right now--i look at some of my friends and see how miserable they are because of their significant other and i just think "god...that could be me..." and i almost...run from it. but then i remember how zach and i were, and how i could just go to him with anything and he'd make it better, and i remember why i want that. even if half the time we were "together" it was mindgames on his part, it was still beautiful while it lasted because when everyone else had turned their backs on me, he was still there. because he was seperated from all of my friends. and maybe it's just me being whiny but fuck. i'm a beautiful person. yeah, i may not be very aesthetically pleasing but i'm beautiful if you break it all down. i have a sense of humour, i have a brain, i'm probably one of the most caring persons you'll ever know and yet i'm still and always alone. okay. time for me to stop bitching and wallowing in my self misery. |